Bring the numbers, not the argument
Mediation moves at the speed of your information. Sessions stall when one side can’t say what an account holds or what the house is worth, because nobody can trade what nobody can measure.
Gather these before the day. Recent statements for every account. The last two years of tax returns. Pay information for both parties. Mortgage and loan balances, and retirement plan statements.
If a business, unvested equity or an inheritance is involved, bring the paperwork that shows where it came from and when.
Know your floor before you arrive
Decide in advance what you actually need, as opposed to what you would like. Those are different lists and only one of them is negotiable.
Write both down. In a long session the second list gets tempting to defend. Keeping them separate on paper stops you trading a need for a want.
The one question to answer first
What does the year after this look like for you? Not the settlement, the year. Where you live, who the children are with on a Tuesday, what you can afford each month.
People who can answer that settle more easily, because every proposal can be measured against it. People who can’t tend to argue about the past instead.
If children are involved
Bring the school calendar and both work schedules. Most parenting plans break down on the practical details rather than the principles, and the details are the part only you two know.
Think about the drive between the two homes at the actual hour the exchange would happen. A schedule that ignores traffic fails within a month.
What to expect on the day
Our mediations run over Zoom, each party in a private room. Log in a few minutes early and sit somewhere you can speak freely and won’t be interrupted.
Have your documents open on the same device or a second screen. Sessions lose time to people hunting for a PDF.
Bring patience with the middle
Most sessions have a stretch where nothing seems to move. That’s normal and usually happens right before the part that does move.
If you reach agreement, you’ll sign a Mediated Settlement Agreement that day. Under the Texas Family Code an MSA is binding, and generally can’t be revoked, when it states in bold type, capital letters or underlining that it isn’t subject to revocation, is signed by each party, and is signed by any attorney who is present. So read it properly before you sign. In narrow circumstances a court can still decline to enter judgment on one, including where family violence affected a party’s ability to decide, or where the agreement would give an abuser or a registered sex offender unsupervised access to a child and that isn’t in the child’s best interest.
The document checklist
- Recent statements for every bank and investment account
- The last two years of tax returns
- Pay information for both parties
- Mortgage statements and loan balances
- Retirement and pension statements
- Any appraisal or valuation already done
- Grant letters and vesting schedules if equity is involved
If something is missing, say so in advance. A known gap is manageable. A gap discovered at hour three is what turns one session into two.
What to leave at home
The list of everything the other person has ever done. It feels relevant and it’s not, because a mediator can’t award anything for it.
Bring the version of your situation that a judge would recognise. That’s the one the numbers have to work against.
If you’ve your own attorney
Bring them, or at least tell them the session is happening. Attorneys are welcome and never required.
If you’re mediating without one, arrange for someone to review the agreement before you sign. The mediator stays neutral and can’t do that for you.
After the session
If you settle, you sign the Mediated Settlement Agreement that day and it’s binding. If you don’t, the case returns to the court’s timeline.
